Lets Just Say Starting Again!!

Its been crazy. I havent used my blog in for-ever!! But hey, I'll try again! I went from bootcamp to sadness, to laziness, to crash diet-ness, to blah blah blah, back to square one. Its frustrating. I look at the chronology of my 20's and its RIDICULOUS! Ups and downs anda all arounds. I am so proud of myself in most regards -- came back from some horrible legal issues, finished undergrad, grad (TWICE), got married, got my first job at a Fortune 500, 2 dogs, new house..and I'm not even 28 yet! I am proud of myself but also very down on myself alot. I am ashamed to say that my life is reflected in my weight. Rollercoaster life, rollercoaster weight. I have decided to STOP and enjoy my life, because its creeping along without or inspite of me, and I am going to control this weight/diet stuff because it is not meant ot be this hard!

I decided to do a total life makeover and become a Beachbody coach not too long ago. I dont even rememer how it happened but my Beachbody Coach, Amanda SAVED MY LIFE...I was doing too much going 20 directions and not picking just one. Now, I won't lie and say I'm really calm now, but I am feeling my purpose come into fruition. I am meant to help people and the things that I do along the way are a means to an end. I am determined to help people who may think that they are "big boned", not meant to ever be fit, need to look like magazine girls, or whatever the case, know that they are meant to be themselves. Its about knowing a healthy you and loving it.

I got mad years ago at my highest weight (yr 2006) and decided to do whatever it took to lose it. 9 months later, 80 lbs later, I was doing ok, looking great and MISERABLE! I was finally thin! I was finally under 150 lbs (I'm 5'7 and thats about a size 2-4 btw ..crazy i know...) it was great. But on top of doing it without the best nutrition, I got lots and lots of negatives in my life. People criticizing how thin I'd gotten, how sick I looked, how I'd only gain it back, how un-fun I was for not chowing down as much. It was horrible. So I slipped back into those habits...binge type drinking, eating unhealthy, snacking late, etc and now I've gained over 1/2 of it back in about 3 yrs. No more. I hope all the folks I know and love will know and love me when I get this weigh and unhappiness out of my life again or THEY will be out of my life. I need support and love. I give it to everyone I know willingly and without hesistation. I know I have enough of it in the lives of people I know.

Ok, that was alot of exhalation but I'm feeling great -- and sore! I just finished my P90x and I AM BEAT!! So nap time, shopping, and getting the Saturday fun I've been needing all week (in a nice responsible, not revolving around drinking way:) )

Until next time!!

Comments

Unknown said…
Oh Jess, I LOVE this! It is so sad to think that this roller coaster is far too familiar & so inspiring to think that you've figured it out before the big three-oh! You are on the right road: doing it right because you are worth it, not so that you will be. Go on girl! I am so proud of you!
November 20, 2010 at 3:08 PM
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